Office Gossip
by Veleda
Summary: An offhand comment by Hisoka causes a rumor to spread like wildfire through the Shokan Division. Featuring appearances by Saya and Yuma, Watari's potions, and raspberry Danishes. TerazumaTsuzuki, HisokaWakaba. Written for the fic on demand lj community.


Hisoka's day had been going well until the explosions started. The young man gave an irritated sigh before shutting his book and treading towards the sounds. He had a feeling that he knew exactly what was going on.

Sure enough, when he came upon the break room, at least what was left of it, he found Tsuzuki and Terazuma duking it out. The majority of the office was there as well, watching the show. Watari was looking crestfallen (apparently he had put a new version of his sex change formula in the now destroyed cooler), Konoe looked about ready to explode, while Tatsumi had the horrified expression on his face that always appeared whenever he contemplated how far in the red the division was going to be this month. Wakaba was also there, looking exasperated. Hisoka could relate. After a moment she noticed him and walked over.

"This is the second time this month," she noted morosely. Hisoka nodded. He had been keeping track too. Wakaba looked down at her watch. "We were supposed to start on a case half an hour ago. And of course, they're going to dock his paycheck again." Hisoka nodded again. He just knew that Tsuzuki was going to be asking him for money very soon. Yes, he could relate to every one of Wakaba's complaints, but those weren't the worst of it.

"It's all the sexual tension that gets to me," he grumbled. "Do they think I want to feel that?" No sooner had he said it than he nearly fell over from the force of Wakaba's shock.

"Really!" she blurted out excitedly. "Oh, that is the cutest thing I've ever heard." She looked like she wanted to bombard Hisoka with questions, but by that time Tatsumi had managed to reign in their respective partners, and had just finished his "You will be working for five hundred years without pay!" lecture. Once free, Terazuma stomped over to Wakaba.

"Come on, Kannuki, we're late already," he muttered gruffly. His expression grew a little sheepish when he saw the look she gave him, that reminded him exactly why they were late, but he relaxed when she smiled. Hisoka watched the two of them leave before shaking his head and returning to his desk. He wasn't even able to sit down, however, before Tsuzuki came bounding up to him, his self-pity grinding against Hisoka's mental shields.

"Hisoka, Tatsumi isn't going to pay me for five hundred years! How will I eat?"

Hisoka scoffed. "You idiot, you know as well as I do that he never follows through. You'll just have your paycheck docked."

Tsuzuki was undeterred. "I won't be able to get Cinnabons!" He gave a whine that sounded suspiciously like a dog's. "This is all Terazuma's fault," he declared with an air of finality. "If he wasn't such a touchy jerk, this never would have happened." Tsuzuki kept talking, with Hisoka making occasional noises of agreement. Yes, Terazuma was annoying, yes, it was tragic that Tsuzuki couldn't afford to buy sweets, and yes, he really was listening.

Hisoka wondered if Tsuzuki and Terazuma were ever going to figure out how much they wanted each other. He doubted it. The young man stifled a sigh and once again resigned himself to an eternity of explosions, stupid fights, and lending his partner money that would never be returned.

The next day, Hisoka and Tsuzuki were late for work. Hisoka was even more annoyed by this than he normally would have been, given the debacle yesterday.

"Tell me again why it was absolutely vital that you have those?" Hisoka questioned, eyeing the bag of gooey pastries.

"They're raspberry, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki explained excitedly. "They almost never have the raspberry Danishes." Noticing Hisoka's decidedly unimpressed expression, Tsuzuki tried again. "They're the best that that bakery has to offer, and they're all mine!" Tsuzuki hugged the bag to his chest, then, as if remembering something very important, said uncertainly, "Unless you want one Hisoka."

Hisoka didn't want one, but he was tempted to take one anyway, just on principle. He was going to be late for work because of those darn Danishes, not to mention that he was the one who paid for them. But he noticed how happy Tsuzuki was and the urge passed. "They look disgusting," he told his partner. Tsuzuki just smiled before looking at his watch.

"Ah! We're already twenty minutes late!" He grabbed Hisoka's hand and the two of them dashed to the diet building.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka were both worried about running into Tatsumi, but luckily the secretary wasn't waiting for them when they came in (It had happened before). They did, however, see Saya and Yuma. Hisoka flinched and prepared to run. But instead of squealing about how good Hisoka would look in a dress, they simply eyed Tsuzuki, and then quickly looked away, giggling. They repeated this procedure twice more before Tsuzuki finally asked them what in the world they were doing. Instead of answering, the two women scampered off.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka looked at each other, then simply shrugged. The exchange had been weird, but then again Saya and Yuma were always weird. Hisoka was just glad that they hadn't tried to stuff him in a dress. The partners once again continued to their desks, but they weren't even able to make it halfway before being accosted by Watari.

"Bon! Tsuzuki!" the man greeted, sounding (and feeling, Hisoka noted) far too chipper for the time of day. "You're just who I wanted to see." He held up a vial containing a bright red liquid. Hisoka and Tsuzuki eyed it nervously.

"Err, what's that, Watari?" Tsuzuki asked, sounding as if he wasn't quite sure he wanted to know the answer.

"This," Watari answered proudly, "is why I wanted to see you. It's Watari-sensei's super-duper, utterly fantastic love potion! I thought that you, Tsuzuki, might like to be the first to try it out."

"I don't want to be your guinea pig!" Tsuzuki exclaimed, his tone nearing panic. It was a few seconds before Watari's statement sank in. "Wait, love potion? Why would I want a love potion?"

Watari laughed. "All right, you old dog, if that's the way you want to play it." The scientist winked. "Just remember that this little baby's here if you need it." And with that he bounded off, clearly feeling quite pleased with himself.

For the second time that day Hisoka and Tsuzuki simply stared at each other, dumbfounded. "What… was that about?" Tsuzuki asked, sounding dazed.

Hisoka shrugged. "He probably just wanted to say something to get you to drink the stupid potion."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Tsuzuki agreed.

Luckily they were able to make it to their desks without being hassled again, but Hisoka was definitely unnerved by amusement coming off of every colleague they encountered. Almost as bad were the furtive smiles everyone seemed to be giving them, or rather, as Hisoka noticed more and more clearly the longer he observed, giving Tsuzuki. It didn't matter who the glances and emotions were aimed at, they were still damn annoying. Finally, Hisoka stood up abruptly, almost knocking over his chair. "I'm going to get some coffee," he told Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki nodded and followed Hisoka to the unused office that was temporarily serving as a break room.

The room was mercifully empty, and for the first time since he had arrived at work Hisoka felt himself relax. He smelled the coffee before pouring himself a cup, apprehensive that Watari might have put something in the pot (a love potion in his coffee? He shuddered at the thought), but eventually deemed it safe to drink. He noticed that Tsuzuki was still carrying the bag of pastries.

He raised an eyebrow. "You're still carrying those?"

"Well, I set them down at my desk," Tsuzuki explained, "but I thought I'd eat them here." He clutched the bag tightly. "This way no one can steal them from me." He eagerly reached into the bag, but before he got to take out a Danish, Terazuma of all people came storming in. His eyes settled on Tsuzuki, and he began to jab his finger furiously at the other man.

"You!" he bellowed.

"Me?" Tsuzuki blinked in confusion. "Man, has everyone gone nuts today? I've only been here fifteen minutes, Terazuma. I haven't had time to do anything to piss you off." Tsuzuki's reply only seemed to enrage Terazuma further.

"Don't pretend you don't know!" Terazuma roared, but when he saw Tsuzuki's genuinely puzzled expression, he began to calm down somewhat. "You really don't know?" Tsuzuki shook his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied, clearly irritated. Terazuma quickly glanced around the room, as if to make sure that they really were the only ones in the room. (Though Hisoka couldn't help noting that in this tiny room there could be no doubt.)

"There are rumors," Terazuma hissed.

"Rumors?" Tsuzuki parroted, still obviously confused.

"About us," Terazuma continued. "They're saying we have…" he paused as if even saying the words was painful. "Sexual tension," he finally finished.

"What!" Tsuzuki nearly shrieked.

"I wouldn't make this up!" Terazuma exclaimed furiously. "Yuma and Saya won't stop giggling at me, and I caught Watari trying to slip one of his freaky potions in my coffee!"

"That's… that's…" Tsuzuki floundered, unable to even find words to express his dismay. Terazuma was about to continue his rant, but all three occupants of the room were distracted when the door opened. They were all relieved to see Wakaba poke her head in rather than, say, two ridiculous, squealing fangirls or an equally ridiculous mad scientist.

"Jeez, what in the world is all the shouting about?" She shut the door behind her as she entered the room. "You better not be fighting again, Hajime-chan."

"I am not fighting," Terazuma answered. "At least not yet," he muttered. "And I am shouting because people are saying that I an attracted to this idiot, and it's probably all his fault."

"My fault!" Tsuzuki yelled. "How is it my—"

"That doesn't make any sense," Wakaba interrupted, "since I was the one who told everybody that."

Both Terazuma and Tsuzuki stared at her in shock. "Kannuki!" Terazuma exclaimed at the same time Tsuzuki said "Wakaba-chan?" in a dumbfounded tone. After a moment, however, Tsuzuki's expression morphed into a smirk.

"See?" he pointed out victoriously, "it isn't my fault at all. It's your own partner who's responsible."

"Well, to be fair, I was the one who told her," Hisoka interjected. This time it was Terazuma's turn to smirk as Tsuzuki looked shocked and betrayed.

"Hisoka, how could you?" he wailed. "Why would you even say something like that?"

Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Maybe because it's true?" he asked, sarcastically.

"It most certainly is not!" Terazuma roared. "I don't know why you would think that, and more importantly, I don't know why anyone would believe it. I mean," he jerked his thumb at Tsuzuki, "I can see why people would think _you_ were gay, what with the way you and girly-boy are always all over each other—"

"Hey!" Hisoka interrupted, but Terazuma continued undaunted.

"But I don't see where people would get that idea about _me_."

"Oh yeah, and you don't think that completely flipping whenever you get touched by a girl is just a little bit weird?" Tsuzuki shot back. "And, besides, it's not like I want people thinking that I could be attracted to a freak like you."

"You bastard!" Terazuma shouted. "Well, I would never be attracted to an idiotic slacker like you!" He stalked up to Tsuzuki and was now shouting in the other man's face. "I would like nothing more than to prove that the only feeling I have for you is complete and utter loathing."

"Well, I know a perfect way to do it." Tsuzuki responded.

"Really?" Terazuma actually looked intrigued.

"Yes," said Tsuzuki, looking very certain. "You kiss me."

"What!" Terazuma's eyes looked like they were about to fall out of his head. "Are you insane?"

"It's a good plan," Tsuzuki insisted. "You'll hate it, I'll hate it, and then everyone will have to admit that we don't have any sexual tension." Terazuma considered the suggestion for a few moments.

"Fine," he finally said, then grabbed Tsuzuki by the shoulders and smashed their mouths together. The kiss went on for a full minute before the two men forcefully broke apart. Their breathing was coming in gasps, and they both looked uncomfortably surprised.

"There," Terazuma stated firmly, at least as firmly as he could while panting. "I didn't enjoy that at all."

Tsuzuki's breathing was no less labored as he agreed. "Yeah, me neither." His eyes narrowed. "But I think you got scared."

"What?" Terazuma shouted. "What the hell are you talking about!"

"You heard me," Tsuzuki said triumphantly. "You were scared, you coward."

"I was not!" Terazuma looked enraged.

"Oh yeah? Well, if you're not a coward, then you won't be afraid to kiss me again."

"Fine, I will!" Terazuma grabbed Tsuzuki again and yanked him close. This kiss lasted even longer than the first one, and Hisoka, who could do little more than just stand next to Wakaba and stare, was tempted to start timing them. It was only when Terazuma let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a moan that he and Tsuzuki shoved each other away.

"What was that?" Tsuzuki demanded to know.

"It was a sound of disgust," Terazuma told him angrily.

"That's not what it sounded like to me," Tsuzuki argued.

Terazuma sneered. "I can't control what it sounded like to you, but I know what it was."

"Well, maybe you should prove it!" Tsuzuki declared.

"Damn it, I will!" Terazuma yelled, but he paused instead of moving forward. "Wait a minute. You keep daring me to kiss you, but you never do anything. Maybe you're the coward!"

"Are you daring me to kiss you?" Tsuzuki asked heatedly.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm daring you to do!"

Tsuzuki growled, then grabbed Terazuma's shirt before pulling him into a fierce kiss.

Minutes passed, and still the two men kept going. Tsuzuki's hands were no longer holding onto Terazuma's shirt. Instead his hands were moving under said shirt. Terazuma wasn't even bothering with Tsuzuki's torso. His hands were traveling steadily south.

Hisoka and Wakaba stared at each other, before simultaneously backing out of the way as if on some unspoken agreement. Once they were sufficiently out of the way, Hisoka sighed. "I'm not sure if this really solves anything. If their fights were bad before, their lovers' spats will be even worse." He didn't even want to think about what would happen if they broke up.

Wakaba just shrugged. "I'm sure everything will work out in the end," she replied, unconcerned. She began to tap her finger against her lips, becoming lost in thought. "You know what we should do?" she said excitedly. "We should double date."

Hisoka's eyes bugged out, and for a moment all he could do was gape. Was she suggesting that _he _go out with_ her_? Finally, he opened his mouth to tell her in no uncertain terms that that was a crazy idea, and that he couldn't even believe she had suggested it, but, oddly enough, the words wouldn't come out. In fact, the more he thought about it, the less ridiculous it seemed. Wakaba was kind, intelligent, and pleasant to be around, and Hisoka couldn't honestly deny that she was quite pretty. He couldn't think of a good reason not to at least try one date. So, instead of refusing, he shrugged slightly and looked away before saying, "That might not be so bad." He nearly jumped at the bolt of happiness that shot through Wakaba, and when he turned to look at her, he saw she was beaming.

Feeling awkward, and deciding that looking anywhere but Wakaba's face would be a good idea, Hisoka noticed the paper bag that had been dropped and forgotten about in the commotion. He picked it up and held it out to Wakaba. "Danish?" he offered. "They're raspberry."


End file.
